Pop Rockets

This is not goodbye.

2011-03-21T23:00:00.001-05:00

In the past five days I've been face to face with my mortality and have been reminded of my humanity and how it connects us all.

We had a family member pass, and even though age and distance had carried us further apart... I remember the endless summer days and the nights filled with laughter and childhood adventure. Half my life spent running in another's shadow. She, like an older sibling eclipsing the sun.

Anytime someone moves beyond the reaches of your physical reach or mortal gaze it's only human to feel an extreme gamut of emotion. Sadness of course, anger, loss - all the stages of grief. In my short life, the funerals have been few and far between. Grandparents, distant relatives - each person is a special part of me now that time won't seal off from my heart or my memory. Because they visit me each time someone is added to their ranks. My memory hovers over them and I remember them with love and a little less loss each time.

I think there are few times in life in general when you can look up and acknowledge the scope of our human connections. Death brings us together to celebrate a life - life connects us all and something about gathering to stand as a witness of someone's life and their part in yours... is a beautiful thing.

You belong to one another - they will always be yours and you theirs.

I've been told that they are expecting over 300 people. For one life to touch so many people's lives and then for theirs to touch ours in our grief is simply beyond comforting to me. Like ripples in the ocean of life.

In those few times when someone has left and torn a little piece of my heart out and taken it with them; I've always managed to return to a place of gratitude once I've taken that time to accept and grieve. This doesn't mean I'm not sad, it just means I have perspective that allows me to get up, make my coffee, go to work and start to enjoy the small things around me that I've taken for granted for far to long.

This time, I'm grateful for a million memories of pancakes on the griddle, claiming abandoned boats and canoes, running weekender camp kid interlopers off our turf, "cooking" cat tails and pretending they were hot dogs, riding bikes till the sun went down then riding even longer under a blanket of stars and the moon. Taking wildlife preservation to new heights by freeing skunks and burying bird. Jumping out of the water while yelling "DIET COKE!" at the top of our lungs then diving back under leaving white whales in our wake while we searched for lost eyeglasses and treasure. Music, The Beatles, Led Zeppelin and on and on...

I am grateful for the laughter - which, despite anything that ever went wrong/right or sideways in life - was always there. I love my family for their humor (every one of them) and their joy and this soul carried a bounty of each.

I am grateful that she didn't waste time in life. Something I know that in this life I have been guilty of. She strove for education, loved, lost, jumped out of a plane, got back on another one - moved about and experienced what life had to offer. I've spent a lot of time in my life waiting for things to happen and not making them happen and this is an example I'll try to apply in the future days to come in my own life.

I'm hopeful for the future. Because I've been shaken from my slumber and my feet are once again on the ground. Facing forward, face to the sun, ready to rally again for the mountains of tomorrow. On my terms... and you, barely my elder, are there. A little piece in my memory and my heart - laughing still and reminding us all to live life to the fullest of our abilities and to demand nothing less from ourselves and the world around us.

If you're reading this you are a part of MY humanity and I thank you for touching my life in whatever way. Till tomorrow. This is not goodbye.

Pizza and Grape Juice

2011-03-12T22:02:00.000-06:00

Yes, it looked THIS GOOD!

I ordered out tonight. (Whole wheat thin crust Tropical Chicken from Panago)

I know, it's a bit late to be having supper... especially since it's daylight savings time and I have to set the clock ahead an hour tonight. BUT I WAS STARVING!

I love having more light... (and pizza) But I hate feeling like I've lost time.

Today, I did three loads of laundry. Which, are kinda piled around me and I'm not sure what to do with. I filled a part garbage back with clothes to throw and I started ANOTHER pile on the floor of clothes to donate. I've started. Soon - next week, I will finish.

Tomorrow I'm going to clear a little place for my drafting table or a desk to draw on.

Everything around me is a work in progress.

Home

2011-03-10T17:09:00.000-06:00

So, here I am... back in the real world... laundry piling up around me...

I've been relatively busy with work and just trying to get a few things done that I haven't been able to actually sit down and think about blogging. But I thought I should since there will probably be visitors here who have never been before.

If I'm not what you expected, well... I'm sorry. I've always been a bit of a hot mess.

You see, I wrote a childrens book. Suddenly my life is out, balls to the wall on display and that kinda funny (and scary) to me. I don't have a nice tidy "Here's my PG kids book for you!" webpage... I'm all over the map! But I guess that's human. I don't think I can be anymore honest or transparent about who, what, where, why and how I think. To take any part of my portals and publications down would be so un-artistic and it's my pieces that make me whole. Dirty, frightened, insecure and all.

Maybe you're a hot mess too?

Well, if you are, and you don't mind this particular mess - welcome! Sit down and make yourself at home.
I always have room for one more.

<3
Christine

Coming down.

2011-02-26T12:04:00.000-06:00

Okay, so I suck.

I know I was going to blog... but - I litteraly didn't have the time and now, here we are at the 11th hour, Kindred is only about 1/2 done... I have less then a week before I fly out and I don't understand where the time went!

At least I got one book out there : Buy You Can't Make A Dinosaur

It's going to be amazingly hard to return to reality. I've had this amazing experience where I've lived another person's life for 2 months... been able to write and draw nearly EVERYDAY and got to live with two amazing people who are just plain awesome. I hope I can carry the momentum back into my life. To be out, present, engaged and living in the moment.

I'm going to have to clean out some of the crap from my room... and find a girlfriend.

Completed Children's Book!

2011-02-17T10:43:00.000-06:00

I have just completed a children's book which is now available for review.

You Can't Make A Dinosaur Out Of Three Dead Horses.

It will be available for sale in the next couple weeks. I'll post a link when it is!

Gettin' er done.

2011-01-14T09:29:00.000-06:00

Sounds dirty... lol

Okay, yesterday - very productive day. I managed to draw up a Kindred page - started the story - figured out my "process" and how I'm going to work on that project. You might think by looking at things I've done that I know what I'm doing... but seriously I fly by the seat of my pants and there really has to be a process of some sort to me. Like getting dressed. Starts with coffee. Well actually it starts with a trip to the bathroom THEN coffee, then breakfast, shower and finally dressing. I can't do it in any other order or I feel completely messed up.

So, I figured out my process for making pages for the Kindred book - first, I'm gonna draw it on paper with blue or graphite pencil - THEN - I'll scan it into the computer and change it to CMYK.
(cyan, magenta, yellow and black) While in Photoshop I'll delete all the layers except for the blue - which I'll print onto vellum and ink by hand.

The test sheet I did yesterday looked not too shabby - and when we finally got the right kind of copy at the Kinko's not far from the house - the blue lines were near impossible to see.

The best part?

While I'm in Photoshop I can add all the text.

I hate eyeballing copy - and that was one of my biggest concerns. Now... no worries!

Anyrate - I just finished my coffee, now so I gotta move on to the next step. Sides, I need to get drawing.

Hello and goodnight

2011-01-12T21:54:00.001-06:00

I'd like to introduce you to Space Dog Beauty Queen... Spark. My Guitar. (It's a "Tori Amos can answer any question with a song title." kind of thing.)

Hello and greetings from Maryland! I landed safely and with a proverbial horseshoe up my ass last night at about 6:30pm local! It was almost like one of those useless math questions you got in elementary school...

If a Rocket is traveling South East at an approximate air speed of ~BLANK~ and a winter storm is traveling North towards the same destination at an approximate speed of ~BLANK~. Who will arrive first?

Guess what.

I won.

Just barely.

Fifteen minutes after touch down the snow started to hit us hard and we had a slightly hairy ride home. (More so because of the nut jobs passing us on the freeway.) Carolyn is a very good driver, the ones beside us kinda freaked me a bit though.

Rush hour in Winnipeg is two lanes and the sneaky cars that try to slip in and out of the bus lane. Rarely does it get above 50kms (or 30mph). You stop, you go, you stop, you go. Simple exercise in frustration.

Here... it's 3-4 lanes, noes' and asses and everyone's doing 100-120km (or 65mph) It's a bit more intense to say the least.

Wow. Just wow - I can't tell you how gracious and inviting my hostesses have been. Already only here for one day and I've settled in nicely. I'm unpacked, have snuggled with the dog (several times) I've even slept walked. Feels just like home!

Despite my cold (which seems to be re-surging) I've managed to do a bit of research for one book and some writing for another.

Tomorrow is onward and upward. I'm going to do a little more writing, maybe some doodling. Cuddle with the dog and perhaps go for a walk. And take anti-cold drugs. Because they work.

Alright - look forward to updates.
<3
R

New Year, New experiences!

2010-12-25T11:15:00.000-06:00

I considered starting a new blog for my Maryland adventures but perhaps there's really no place like home for posting my thoughts. So I'm coming back to this (yes yes, I've said that before).

For those of you who don't know or hadn't heard - I'm headed to Baltimore to do some drawing/illustration as a sort of art retreat during January and February 2011.

Got my two children book ideas and a semi-auto-biographical graphic novel in the back of my mind... and some pens and pencils. Pretty much all I need.

I have a little old PowerBook G4 that is going to do the trick while I'm away. I think it's probably good that I'm going to be forced OFF the computer for drawing and getting back to the basics. I've planned to bring my stylus (a little track pad that I can digitally draw on) but I'm not sure how much I'll use that. Besides, I really like watercolor anyway.

Well, it's Christmas and I still have lots to do/finish/pack so I'm going to log for now but I'll be around here posting stuff and thoughts in the new year.
!@
Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and all the best to you and yours!

<3 Christine

Remember.

2010-10-04T21:40:00.001-05:00

I have this memory of running up the stairs of a now demolished heritage building (bar) in the town I grew up in. I remember the walls, rough and dirty even then. The sour remnants of stale alcohol and the musky smell of a thousand travelers. I remember light streaming down through a window illuminating dust particles as we dashed upwards and the tangible feeling of being completely happy racing at your heels.

Friend who is no longer a friend.

It's been nearly 15 years since I thought of you.

I used to be extremely gifted at changing the words to familiar songs to fit the situation or thing that we were doing. I actually used to do that all the time. I used to sing all the time. I was singing as we ran, I don't remember what.

Now I just think a lot.

I've followed so many people who lead me places that brought to the present that it's hard to forgive those people of the past for not being with me here in my present. Even harder to forget.

So now I'm carrying you with me up new stairs in new buildings. You ride in the back of my mind.

Sweet Lord of Un-done Flies...

2010-06-28T21:37:00.000-05:00

So, remember when I used to blog?

I've been busy. Sometimes I like to drop out every other year. It helps me refocus.

I rode my bike to work today, and as I rounded yet another corner uphill, my chest hurting, nausea blooming, I thought: "I seriously could have a cardiac infarction!"

*Sidenote* The first time I heard "cardiac infarction", I laughed for days because I thought it sounded like a heart-fart. It's not actually a funny thing when you think you're having one.

Like, did you know nausea is a sign? Then I thought, my neck and jaw feel fine. I was reassured shortly after when an ambulance wiped past me in the direction of work. I work at a hospital. I also briefly thought of my "People to call if found dead" list and it gave me a little peace.

The most important thing about my trip to work this morning? I think it was the fact that I didn't stop. I mean, I did get off the bike a few times and walked it. But I didn't stop moving. It was pretty much the most intense and scary wake up call I've had recently. That I'm not just getting old, or fat, or out of shape... but that something like a short one and a half mile bike ride to work nearly did me in.

I'm planning to walk the rest of the week. Work my way up. But I'm not going to stop moving even if I have to change things up to finish...

I hope nobody on my list ever gets that call, at least for a very long time.

Sunday's Literary Funday With Erotica and Porn.

2010-05-02T10:18:00.004-05:00

I was going to go outside today. But it's raining and unless I'm in a bathtub or shower I am really not one of those people who likes to dance around in the rain like it's a misty kiss from the heavens. I hate it. I like listening to it, I don't mind watching it at a distance from a safe dry spot, but I really don't understand the avid jogger or dog walker who revels in a rainy day walk. I love you, but I just don't understand you.

So, in lieu of going for a walk at the park, which is what I really wanted to do today, I started cleaning the house. Without going into the details of it all I'll just say I was sorting recycling and got a paper-cut on my nipple. (This is precisely the kind of shenanigans single people who live alone get into. Why dress when you don't have to?) So now I'm taking a break because, it hurt, and it took a lot of motivation to start cleaning in the first place and yet so little to talk myself back out of it.

But that's not what I wanted to talk about today.

I was listen to an interview on the radio with an author the other day. He was talking about a book that he'd written and he said something that I've been thinking about over most of the last couple days and that was that he liked to refer to the sexual content of his books as pornography as apposed to erotica because he felt that calling something erotica was a pussy way of labeling it and that things should be labeled for what they are and for folks to stop being chicken shit. Seriously - for CBC it was a lively and colorful conversation. He said he sees things as more black and white and that he wished erotica would become more pornographic and that pornography would become more literary. *I wish I'd had a pen in the car, I'd have written down his name and the title of the book but now it escapes me.

I thought it was an interesting way to think about the subject matter - sex and portrayal of sex - and had me thinking about my own artistic endeavors and how I personally label some things. There are definitely some illustrations I'd categorize as erotic but mostly because they don't fit my personal definition or take on pornography.

The first picture in my coloring book collection is definitely explicit - depicting a strap on blow job. But aside from it's focal phallic object - there is no nudity, no exposed "genitalia" and only an implied suggestion of a (what I hope was a lengthy) physical exchange. Exchange of power, of emotion, of energy, of sex. It's all implied. I think that implication is what makes something erotic and not necessarily pornographic. Your brain makes up the rest of the story - that's erotic. Pornography to me is a matter of "what you see is what you get" - ass and tits, crude without the art. Both have their merits.

Disclaimer **I do however feel that some things that are categorized by popular opinion AS Porn fall more into my definition of erotica**

Maybe it's because I'm a woman and my sex organ is between my ears (mostly) but I tend to enjoy that artistic and implied exchange far more then the nearly mechanical act offered in most videos. Which I guess is why there is generally a complaint that most porn movies are made strictly for men. The players are all different but the acts are all the same. Perhaps the complaint should be, most porno videos are just not that well made...

Well, whatever your turn on literary, erotica, pornography, recycling or rain - I hope you have a steamy Sunday.

Love,
Rocket

Room In Rome

2010-02-21T21:00:00.001-06:00

I REALLY want to see this movie! What do you think the chances are it will come to Winnipeg?

Last Lesbians On Earth Episode 7

2010-02-20T21:19:00.003-06:00

I thought, it's been a while (and people keep emailing me)

It's One Of Those Days...

2010-02-01T22:21:00.000-06:00

... I'm hearing whispers of an infinite yes.

Sometimes You Win.

2010-01-28T17:05:00.005-06:00

I work in a field where, flexibility is key. Let me explain. About eight months ago I bought a guitar - was it eight months ago? Might have been more, might have been less... but it was under a year. After several (six) lessons I had the rudimentary understandings of how the guitar worked, several (six) chords under my belt and a quasi decent strum pattern.

I learned Wind Beneath My Wings - because secretly I love that song and because I thought it would be really annoying and painful for my co-workers to listen to. After a bit, I learned a few more songs... These few things, this small personal interest accomplishment is what qualify me as a "music therapist."

Well, that's what my boss proclaimed this one hour of programming once a week to be over the next year. "Musical Therapy".

The second they told me that was what I was doing this year (besides teaching French) I started laughing because it made me think of the first time I heard a women cleverly refer to herself as a "Domestic Engineer".

I doubt I could engineer something domestic to save my life let alone give therapeutic music time to a bunch of adults with intellectual disabilities. But there I was, today all day, banging away on my guitar till my fingers nearly bled. Six hours is a lot of guitar-ing for someone who dabbles. My left arm is aching and I'm wincing while I type with my injured digits.

"Did you ever know that you're my hero?"

I guess I sound bitter, or impositioned by all this but really, that's something I like about my job. Where else would someone like me get to teach French or provide music therapy? I've been an art teacher before - so doing arts and crafts felt legitimate to me and even literacy (being the book lover I am) was a joy and something I felt was not only do-able but important. We never made it through the Canada Reads book list but at least we were working towards some type of entertainment or enlightenment through literacy.

I'm a college educated person doing something that I wasn't educated to do. Maybe some people might get irate at being asked to do things that "aren't my job" or in their field of expertise, but I think I've grown a lot as a person by helping others do things that nobody ever thought they would be able to learn, comprehend or practice.

"I can fly higher than an eagle"

This year - I plan to have the art group start on creating wall size murals. They've never done it before and I don't know how they'll like it or if it will be a flop... but we're going to give it a try and see anyway. Last year they tried Batik and loved every minute of it.

I've never painted a wall size mural in my life.

"Cause you are the wind beneath my wings."

I can't wait to figure it all out.

Over Stimulated. Under excavated.

2010-01-23T21:20:00.007-06:00

So, family. I have some family who refer to "home" as the compound. Sometimes even I refer to it as that. "I'm staying on the compound." or "I NEED to get off the compound!" I don't have a clue why they started that. I just think it's funny, so I do it too.

Today ~ this weekend ~ I am "Stuck" on the compound. Bad weather, bad roads. My plans to go visit my parents where quashed on Friday after a mutual agreement that it would be a bad time to be traveling this weekend because of the weather. Freezing rain n'such.

*sigh*

I'm bored, but not bored enough to get off my ass and do something about it. I just finished watching the ENTIRE Battlestar Galactica Series. I mean that was a good chunk of my life right there! 4 days!

Normally I wouldn't be so upset about having my plans delayed or canceled all together but due to some badly cooked hamburger last Saturday, I had a mild case of food poisoning. (I know right? When's the horseshoe gonna get shoved up MY ass?) CLARIFICATION - NO, I was not the one who cooked it. It was a friend and I've forgiven him.

This unfortunately led to a very rough night. Filled with illness and bad dreams. Specifically one where my mother had a sever and sudden heart attack and passed away. Between sleep walking episodes and awake walking episodes (to the bathroom) my unconscious mind wandered through the horrible details of what my subconscious thought would be the results of such a sudden and horrific event. An event for which I am not prepared in the least. I woke up still distraught in the morning and quite literally mourning something that hadn't happened.

I might add here that I am quite well know amongst friends for having vivid almost palpable dreams. I'm certain that I dream in color.

Naturally I called my mother. Unsuspecting of my anxiety and fears, we had a long conversation. Dealing with the thought of my parents inevitable passing has been something that I've thought about since early adolescence. It frightens the hell out of me. When I was a young girl I remember my mother coming home and talking to my brother and I about organ donor cards. I was so upset that she was even talking about death let alone HER own death. I grabbed the card and ripped it in two then ran and hid behind the sofa crying my eyes out only to be coaxed out an hour or two later with reassurances that it wasn't necessarily going to happen.

Now, as an adult looking back I remember my mother loosing a very close friend in a tragic accident involving a train and I think this had a lot to do with her mind set at the time. When people have children, they naturally think of these sorts of things. What will happen to them when I'm gone? Will they be taken care of? What can I do to provide for them? What kind of lesson or legacy can I leave? My mother's friend, in the driver seat had received the entire impact of the train. Her daughter had been in the passenger seat. She was only a few years younger than my brother and I. I remember someone saying she'd spent a very long time in the hospital before she could go home to her dad and sister. This was our first introduction to the idea of death before the passing of my grandmother a few years later. I don't know if my mother was trying t0 reassure us that life goes on after death - by donating her organs - but I knew I wanted them to stay in her. Her living breathing loving body. Not in some stranger. SHE needed them.

I'm not going to go into a great and horrible dissection of Battlestar Galactica but it was probably a good time to have watched it. Post-nightmare. Many ideas about love, loss, trust and life were presented in a variety of ways over the 4 seasons of that show. I realized something after sobbing hormonally over the final episode. (I know - it's just a stupid frakin' show right? Frak you, don't mock my sensitivity)

I'm not scared of death. I'm not scared of betrayal. I'm not scared of being forgotten. I used to think all my problems about overcoming identity, self acceptance and allowing people to get close to me were 100% laid in a lack of trust or the ability to trust. But it's not true, I trust people. I actually do.

The truth is I was scared of being left behind.

Left alone.

Well, here I am now. Tearless, reflective. Thinking of all the people who are a part of me, because I've given them a part of myself and yet I feel a bit at a distance still. I'm sitting in an empty house with only the hum of the water heater and my clicking keyboard. I am alone.

I guess somewhere I decided that a party of one can't be left behind and in the process, found myself in the place I feared most. Alone. Funny thing is, I'm not scared. I'm not sad or depressed. I'm just a little bored and a little bit lonely.

I think, I'll go visit my parents next weekend.

** Disclaimer **
Battlestar Galactica did not teach me this "thing" about myself.
Sitting and thinking about myself and my choices in life lead to this.

Yesterday, all day.

2010-01-20T16:46:00.002-06:00

I took a drive thru the park yesterday
~ Click for a larger image ~

Hoarfrost ~ A deposit of interlocking ice crystals (hoar crystals) formed by direct sublimation on objects, usually those of small diameter freely exposed to the air, such as tree branches, plant stems and leaf edges, wires, poles, etc., which surface is sufficiently cooled, mostly by nocturnal radiation, to cause the direct sublimation of the water vapor contained in the ambient air.

The Glass Closet

2010-01-12T22:30:00.003-06:00

Have you heard? There's a thing called a glass closet! I didn't even realize what it was or if I was in one until I heard someone talking about it. Basically it's this - you've come out! Hurrah for you! But despite this fact you are somehow still being forced to live your life in a closeted way. For example, friends or family unwilling to talk about or dismissing the fact that you are gay. Friends or family not including your partner (for those who have partners) in family events - for example; Christmas dinner.

No, this did not happen to me. My mother is in fact very supportive and keeps me a breast of all the latest "gay news" Such as; "Did you hear Meredith Baxter is GAY!" and continually professes how much she loves Ellen.

I kinda had a glass closet going on with a friend I came out to over a year ago tho. And once I knew there was a glass closet - and what it was, and that I was in it, I decided to jump out like a big'ole gay boogie(wo)man of coming outdom past.

"OOoooo I'm the ghost of gayness past!!!! OOOOooo"

So, when I suggested we should go back and visit Vancouver and she said "Yeay! We can go visit your boyfriend at Grandville Island!" (a guy who wouldn't let go of my hand and insisted on demonstrating how his invention could keep homeless people's fingers from freezing) I said "He's probably what made me gay." and laughed.

I don't know if she laughed out of shock, or because I'm damn funny. (which of course we all know I am.) But it was nice to pull the dust cover off the elephant and we actually had a really relaxed visit the rest of the evening.

*poof*

One glass closet disassembled.

Well, I gotta run. But just so you know, I love you. In that gay way.
Keep on truckin' babes!

Are you there Identity? It's me, Margaret.

2009-12-25T12:16:00.008-06:00

I mean, Christine.

This is a blog post that has been 35 years in development. I've talked before about having a personal dislike for labels and type casting in the past and in an attempt to live my life in a more authentic and honest way, I've planned to make a lot of changes in the new year.

These are not new years resolutions, they are life affirming resolutions, and it's already begun.

Many of you might know, (but some of you won't) that I spent a good stint of my adult life as a member of the LDS church. Some, not all, but some of my very close friends from church remain close friends. In fact my very closest friends (who are also family) have been some of my greatest supports as I've been peeling back the layers of myself to find my own core.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints ended up not being for me, but that doesn't mean I don't support every persons' right to worship who/what/when/where and for whatever reason they want or need. There are people on both sides of every argument that throw stones and I don't want to hear or validate ANYONE judging another person for living their lives how they feel fit. We need to work towards acceptance on a multitude of levels.

Recently I opened a discussion with my LDS friend and stated that I was tired of hiding under layers and censoring myself depending on who I was talking to. I was worried about offending people. My thoughts were mainly with my former church friends. Many of whom I'd distanced myself from because I felt like I was lying to them. I asked her;

"How can you live an unapologetic life?"

My friend said; "You can't, unless you have no conscience." I kind of agreed with that to the degree that the people who's opinions are important to me, are important because those people are special and important in my life. People outside of my sphere who would be critical of mine or anyone else because of their struggle in life can go fuck themselves! I have nothing invested in them or their opinion, negative or not.

When I was a teenager I had many spheres of friends. Work friends, school friends, childhood friends, neighborhood friends... One day I found myself in the position where I decided I wanted to try and integrate these different spheres together. It didn't work. They all liked me, I liked them all but for whatever reason they all just weren't interested in developing friendships with each other. I accepted this, and as I got older because of time and distance some friends left and new friends came.

Here I am now. Present day - and I have a similar problem only it's not my friends that are causing anxiety and discord in my life - it's me. Because I layer myself and present myself how I think they would like to receive me. She pointed out that I was "not allowing people to love me and I was doing what I was afraid they would do..." I was abandoning them before they could abandon me. Well shit. She's right.

So, I'm not doing that anymore. I've begun liberating myself.

First, I started telling people who I am. I told a burgeoning friendship at work that I was queer. It was a short and brief conversation where actual trust was built and a friendship was re-affirmed. I've started doing this with all my friends. I've also started to apologized to my closest friends and family for not trusting that they could handle the "queer" me.

Then, I deleted one of my facebook accounts. The one where I kept my Mormon friends at arms length. Where I segregated family members and co-workers. The one I never visited.

I'm not censoring anymore.

I'm letting people in. Anyone who wants in in-fact.

So for this Christmas, I want to wish you all a very Merry Christmas, one filled with friends and family (chosen or not), love, acceptance, peace and harmony in all that you do and are. I wish that for all of us.

Christine

The Cure

2009-12-01T16:34:00.003-06:00

Uttohhh Uttohhh...

There's a LOT of things I don't understand in the world.

Hate
Child Abuse
Molecular Biology

Maybe this sounds nuts, or weird but some days I seriously have to stop and think before I go to bed. Before I let my brain sift the day and reset for the next. Just what was good about the day I just had? Did I do something good? What the hell was it all about?

Today I stole a bunch of brownies and gave them away to everyone I saw until they were all gone.

And I guess that, will have to be good enough. For today.

Some Music

2009-10-31T00:03:00.004-05:00

I'm really starting to like Regina Specktor's music.

Amanda Palmer Cassandra Long and Cassandra's sister Corrine... eating gummy bears and other stuff. Like, My Little Ponies! Song ~ Eet, By Regina Specktor

Thursdays and the big V

2009-10-22T20:33:00.002-05:00

Today, I am tired.

But enough of that - DID YOU KNOW! V (the remake) teev series is coming back!

November 3rd!

I want this Tshirt

2009-10-15T12:38:00.002-05:00

wheeee!

San Francisco

2009-10-15T12:31:00.003-05:00

My friend just came back... maybe someday I'll go.

In Progress

2009-10-13T23:11:00.004-05:00

(click photo to enlarge)
I've been working on a new coloring page - homage to Roger Erickson's photo of Tegan, Sara, Amanda Palmer and Amy Cook in New York City.

It's going slow naturally. I'm sure there have been millions of fan art created for each of these ladies... and I find it interesting. I've never really wanted to make fan art. Until now. This picture is just plane old hot. I lieu of inappropriately long hugs and "gosh you're just so great and I truly love your music..." You can coloring them. I don't know if I can do this picture justice... but I'll try.

It's late, gotta finish tomorrow. Have a great night.
R

Last Lesbians On Earth Ep. 6

2009-10-07T21:13:00.000-05:00

K... I'm going to move on now... hehe

Last Lesbians On Earth Ep. 5

2009-10-07T00:06:00.001-05:00

Library

2009-10-04T00:22:00.001-05:00

You should go! I love a woman who reads in bed... (via:expliciteart)

For Your Eye Sockets and Ear Buds

2009-09-20T22:24:00.004-05:00

Song: Folding Chair By Regina Spektor
Drawing: From Mike@MikeysTube
Actual Time: 4 hours

Abandoment Issues

2009-09-09T20:23:00.003-05:00

So, yes.

I did abandon this space for a time.

I had nothing to give.

But I found this picture, isn't it nice? I'm sure you've all but forgotten that I've been M.I.A. for a while! Right?

Sometimes it's important to go away so when you come back you've grown or expanded or something like that. I still don't have any gems of knowledge and I don't think I've changed but I've done tons.

1. I partially stained a deck before promptly falling off it (no, I wasn't drunk) AND I'm gonna try and finish it this weekend I think, because it's important to finish what you start.

2. I put my gay-tar lessons on hold momentarily because I need to go to the dentist. But I still pick it up everyday and hug it so it knows I still love it.

3. I slept walked and moved a large amount of my bedroom into the living room before snuggling down on the sofa... I don't know why.

4. I made chokecherry jelly. And it was good.

5. I Made a pact not to cut my hair... one week so far! Doing great!

6. I got a sunburn.

7. I was rear-ended in a go-cart.

8. I finished watching Blood Ties (what a waste of time) and I'm waiting to see the season finale of True Blood. I still do not however have any desire to see Twilight or any affiliated movies/shows and/or books.

9. I caught up on my laundry and then fell behind again.

10. I shaved my legs. (this is monumental! It's been a while.)

And that's about it!

What have you been up to?

It's an Annie Lennox Day

2009-08-05T15:32:00.000-05:00

Nun of that?

2009-07-14T21:11:00.007-05:00

So, I've been reading lots of blogs here and there because I like to know what people think & do and how/why they act as they do. (My family has long practiced people watching)

The more I've thought lately the more I really have no frame of reference, nor am I able to compartmentalize myself as to what my sexuality is nor my personal sexual preferences. I don't know what "type" I am or what "my" type is! Personally, I like not having a label but sometimes it makes things complicated because I'm not sure what I'm looking for or where the hell I am. For example, I like looking at IKEA but that doesn't mean I want a VIBBYN Chair.

Earlier today I was over at Velevet Park and I read Staceyann Chin's Straight Women and the One-way Cunnilingus - after which I followed it up with Cage and Crandall's Gender and Sexuality video blog. It all made me feel funny inside. Not in a funny way.

I am 100% attracted to women, I love women, I fall in love with women, I am rendered stupefied and wordless by women. I am not confused about women (for the most part) but, running head long towards my 35th (yes yes, I know, I look so young for my age) birthday and having yet to have any sort of "real" relationship WITH a woman – has me feeling a bit panicked (yet again).

"Eleven months of sex with her and still no cunnilingus? How long should I wait for her to come around? Is it okay to abandon your partner because she won’t eat your pussy?"

Jesus, that's a big question. I think the answer (as best as I can figure based on my limited experience) is that if you're not invested body and soul at the same level as your partner, it's not a relationship but something else. There are many relationships in life where sometimes there's an imbalance and you just don't get back what you put in. Work, family and sometimes lovers.
Can I just add that as a newbie to queer nation you old hands are frightening as fucking hell? You damn well are! I feel like I'm running around with water wings on while circling the deep end without a lifeguard!

"Years later, my rule of thumb is that any woman I am going to fuck, must have in her past, a healthy plethora of punanis on which she has sucked, nibbled, licked and willingly kissed."

Well, after I read that I felt mildly distraught - until I thought about it a bit and convinced myself that there was a distinction being made between fucking and dating.

Cage and Crandall's closing question was: "Is it possible for lesbians to have one night stands... with no strings attached?"

I think some people think that in order to be a good, bonafied lesbian lova lova you need to have had plenty of partners. I personally don't know many IF any women that can disconnect their emotional needs from their physical needs the way "bath house" fellows seem to be able to. So generally, I don't think we tend to have as many partners. I also don't think that's a bad or negative thing. **Christine the rocket is NOT a sexpert.

The idea that anyone could rule out a lover/partner based on their lack of experience is bizarre to me. I'm old fashioned and believe in monogamy. I probably won't ever change.

To those women who have written us, those who are shy of the poonan – off.

I guess you'll never experience the potential of what you're choosing to pass on.

Freedom of Speech

2009-07-07T17:10:00.004-05:00

Ahh... the 90ies.

I found an old car tape - from Pump Up The Volume - I thought I'd share a track I was jammin' to this weekend. I used to love rap...

"Rap music, a form of literature. Words and verbs and adjectives painted up like a picture. YO! It's gonna hit ya' YO! It's gonna gitcha' and when I'm all finished up it's gonna FIT YA!"

Top 100 Hot Butches

2009-06-22T16:32:00.003-05:00

Sinclair Sexsmith has just released the Top 100 Hot Butches, (masculine, androgynous, genderqueer, transmasculine, studs, AGs, dykes, queers, and transguys) *with pictures!

The about reads as followed:

"Top Hot Butches, a project by Sinclair Sexsmith, celebrates the wide range of diversity of butch, masculine, androgynous, genderqueer, transmasculine, studs, AGs, dykes, queers, and transguys, while calling attention to some of the powerful activism, culture, and communities that we are creating."

The panel of judges:
Sinclair Sexsmith
Femme is my Gender
Geek Porn Girl
Kristen
Leo MacCool
Rodger

I recommend you wander over. The list is delicious the pictures are pretty, well, awesome - but be patient, I think the server is getting pummeled...

Playing For Change | Peace Through Music

2009-06-18T07:35:00.002-05:00

Playing For Change | Peace Through Music

Posted using ShareThis

Fanny Mae by Grandpa Elliott.

Have a great Thursday!

I love Amanda Palmer & Margret Cho

2009-06-15T18:33:00.004-05:00

I can't believe I missed this: (December 2008)

For the video of the whole thing look below.

Note: NOT actually actually Katy Perry - but Tora, of the Danger Ensemble)

I especially like the "Fuck Prop 8" sign at the end.

Another Year of Pride

2009-06-14T10:27:00.004-05:00

Today is pride. I had such high hopes to get out and socialize this week... but with the flu being ramped in my appartment and the fact that no one wants to stand in any close proximity to me as I hack my lungs out... it's been hard.

I've spent the last three weeks basically in isolation save for the 7 sporadic days I went to work.

I haven't spoken out loud in 2 days. BUT today, today is the day I'm gonna go out and see the world. The weather is supposed to be beautiful. I'm bringing my camera and a few friends might meet up during the day. I'm really looking forward to it. (can you tell?)

I hope wherever you're enjoying pride this month that you are happy, safe and having fun.

Love,
Rockets

While I lay about

2009-06-09T19:23:00.002-05:00

I'm still sick - I may pull thru but you'll have to wait till next week to find out for sure. Meantime, thru my wanderings I found this video (via Drawn!) and it's sick, cool... I don't know, just really loved it. (the girls kinda scared me a bit...) Know nothing about the band... enjoy.

Traveling Flu

2009-05-27T19:30:00.011-05:00

So, I got the flu.

No, not the swine flu (hell, I don't know what kind of flu it was) but I'm feeling a little better now. I have not left my appartment in two days tho. I ought to. It's actually starting to finally look like summer.

Last weekend my friend Luis and I headed down to the states. Grand Forks to be exact. We ate at a HUGE Mexican Restaurant (was very good) and bought a couple of shirts n'stuff at the TJ Max then headed back over the boarder. The trip entailed all of 6 hours.

I was anxious. It was my friends first time over the boarder I wanted it to go smoothly. Honest to God tho - I don't know what the boarders are like where he comes from but where I come from you do NOT look at the boarder patrol and ask "So, what can't I bring back? I mean, what kind of things are not allowed back and forth?"

Later I said - "That's the kind of shit you Google BEFORE you enter the country!"

I felt myself involuntarily flinch in preparation for the "Will you come this way..." we were sure to hear next but it didn't happen. As we walked out to the car thoughts of all the horror stories of people having their minivans taken apart panel by panel and left in pieces in the parking area flooded my brain.

When we got about 15 minutes away from the U.S. boarder he declared he wanted to open a U.S. Bank account. WHY? I asked - as we have perfectly fine U.S. fund bank accounts in Canada.

I asked him if he was crazy and told him I thought maybe we should keep the suspicious behavior to a minimum our first trip.

It's kind of funny to think about it now, but at the time I seriously thought he was going to get us into a serious mess of trouble. How could he not share my white hot fear of international authority figures? Besides, my mother had already told me if I got into trouble... not to call. I didn't think I lived remotely close to a universe where that would even be possible! (Geez, I'm 34 for cryin' out loud!)

He got mad at me. I said I was sorry (and I was... people do and say crazy things when they are scared)

We haven't really spoken since...

I'll call him next week.

I love Tegan and Sara

2009-05-23T23:59:00.002-05:00

In a totally respectful, non stalker-ish, "MAN they're just great singers/song writers!" and everyone should enjoy them - kind of way.

I found this site - not a new one, (moshcam) but they have a great video of their performance at Enmore Theater on 08-01-09 and I love live music and I just got my metal t&s tee shirt this week and well... I wanted to share.

Enjoy the concert!

Farming

2009-05-22T21:36:00.003-05:00

I need to go out to the farm soon. I was just thinking about how I'm so glad I never joined 4-H (even tho cows are magnificent) because I like to eat meat. I just don't like when it looks back at you...

Taking Time

2009-05-14T21:50:00.004-05:00

My life is very cyclical at times. I hate when people ask things like "If you were an animal, what animal would you be?" I don't think I'd be animal. I'd rather be some kind of phase of nature.

Sometimes I'm out and raging like a storm in my world, fighting against this that and what ever opposition comes my way. (today I got my parking ticket reduced to $20.00) I bet everyone feels the rain in their lives from time to time, beating them down. (literally - it has been raining for 24 hours here) These are really rare phases that usually pass quickly.

Is it possible to get a crush injury without actually feeling pain? I bet anyone with a broken heart would check "Yes" on that survey.

Other times I'm like a calm night with a breeze.

A calm night is almost an ominous thing to me. Like a heavy and foreboding weight. I love the breeze. Isn't that where the important news comes from? Don't sailors, cowboys and medicine men look to the wind for wisdom? Or was that the sky... (in movies anyway?)

There should be at least a light breeze to keep a person moving in whatever season or phase of life.

Feeling like a spring day is always awesome. Who doesn't like flirting and feeling frisky? I tend to sing unconsciously when I'm feeling springy. It's a family trait. Many of us do it and most of us don't know or realize when we're doing it. How cliche... but, whenever my brother fell for a girl we always knew - because he'd come home singing. I suppose I do that to.

Lately I've been feeling wanderlust. Which, I know is not a phase or force of nature, but it pulls on me like it should be. Have you ever abandoned your home for the sofa's of friends and family? I do yearly, sometimes for weeks at a time. I have no clue if that's considered normal or not but I really don't care. When I start feeling like this I need to leave so I can come back with perspective. Living (squatting) on the generosity of friends is also a good remedy after hibernation. A state that I also frequent. After you don't talk to people for a bit, it's nice to reconnect. I enjoy packing up my supplies and settling in my house for extended periods of time just as much as packing up and settling into other people's homes for extended periods of time.

Being extremely antisocial and choosing cable TV and mixed tapes over the sound of real live living people is centering. I'm happy and I really don't have a "sad" phase, but sometimes I feel I need to explain my behavior to people who don't seem to go through phases. I did this recently and had a funny response. One of my friends brought it up. I'd been hibernating and she said "You go through these phases." and laughed. I felt comforted that she'd seen this for years and automatically accepted it as part and parcel of being friends with me.

I've been taking a class lately that centers on behaviors (among other things) and couldn't help but think about how people interpret my behaviors since the discussion last week was "How do WE interpret other people's behavior?"

Any rate, I need to sleep now because I'm going through a no sleeping phase and I need to change that before I start missing work and get into an unemployed phase.

Spring is creeping into my wanderlust, I may not post much this weekend. I'm taking a little holiday from my house. I might be out flirting in your neighborhood using your sofa as base camp. (Interpret that as you wish)

See you soon!
Rockets

Jello

2009-05-05T20:19:00.004-05:00

Things are weird lately. Like, I've woken up in some kind of weirdo reality that's not mine. I was joking on facebook with a friend about green jello yesterday and today I was behind a woman who was buying (no lie) 30-40 boxes of the stuff. Not all green mind you but an assortment of colors.

She must have noticed my puzzled/surprised stare at the mountain of jello because she started talking to me.

"It's for cookies."
"Oh..." What could I say?
"I'm making like 40 dozen for a friend." She seems extremely excited about this.
"Ahh... I don't bake... I usually just... eat." (looking around for something sane to say)
"I write cookbooks!"
"Wow! Well, I guess you'd be the person to do that!" Jesus could I sound any stupid-er?

And seriously folks, this was just a simple interaction with another human being. She was a woman I'd met in the elevator a few days before. She lives in my building... imagine if I was trying to get to know her. Every meeting we've had has gone like this - awkward and bizarre.

I can't blame it all on lack of sleep. I don't think it would have made much of difference! I just seem to hit certain people when I'm off. But, everyone has "off" days right??

But now I have a serious desire to have a normal conversation with this person (even tho I am not particularly interested in becoming friends) JUST TO PROVE I CAN!

I think I'm gonna start my fucking period.

Maybe we should become friends, maybe she'd bake me some jello cookies.

Something nice for your Sunday

2009-05-03T16:09:00.002-05:00

This young woman (she's 19 years old) should stop studying pharmacy and get a record label. Just love this song. Hope you will too.

Worry Worry

2009-04-27T19:32:00.013-05:00

I'm sick of news stories about "the flu" and how all other news of the world has been pushed to the wayside. News reporters are huddling round the virology lab shooting it's windows and speculating about the testing that's going on inside. I'm surprised someone hasn't suggested that there could be a sliver of a snowball's chance in hell that a heard of wild monkeys could break out of there and run ramped in the streets causing wide spread pandemic pandemonium!

Fuck.

You want something REAL to worry about?

Today my co-worker was talking about her 16 year old son and his classmates. All of whom could run circles around you and I and our computers. "He has a scanner on his computer for his homework. They were goofing around and suddenly he had one of his classmate's name, address and social security info pop up on the computer screen. Finally they figured out that his laptop had accidentally scanned this other kids EIC (Enhanced Identification Card) giving them access to everything on it."

HOLY FUCK!

The kid had forgotten to put it in it's protective case.

From the Manitoba Government Website:
"For privacy protection, the card will come with a protective sleeve to help prevent the RFID chip from being read at times other than intended. It will be credit-card size to make it easier to carry in a wallet."

Immediately I began to cold sweat and images of Tom Cruise being direct marketed in Minority Report flashed in my head. (OK - the EIC isn't the same as retinal scanning BUT STILL!) Somehow I know this is all going to link up with Airmiles and your Safeway points cards and we're all gonna be in a hot mess of trouble. Just wait.

Doesn't this scare anyone else? As if identity theft wasn't irritating enough... now teenagers running around with unprotected ID cards - I mean, now we have to drill into them KEEP IT COVERED on a whole new level!

So worry about your flu! Don't worry about the roving gangs of girls downtown that are attacking people with axes, or the benign looking nerd on the corner pointing his laptop at your back pocket...

Things that make me feel at ease (today anyway):

Dykes.

Dykes in the Superstore (aka Loblaws)

Dykes walking around in the condoments isles, shopping for condoments. Looking rad in their snappy leather jacket and killer hair coif. I admire the parade of Airwalks and swoon.
Dykes looking at organic penutbutter, holding their belt buckles and thoughtfully stroking their chins.

Sometimes, it just takes a loverly dyke to bring order back to the world. So I bought some organic penut butter too (well, I grabbed it and put it in my basket and switched it for raspberry jam after the pretty one had turned a corner) but I nodded. Made brief, appreciative eye contact and went on about my shopping.

I don't think she had an EIC card, or would get one.

IF she had wanted to scan mine tho, I'd have gone and got one right away and flipped it out of it's protective covering at the first hint of a cocked eyebrow.

*sigh*

Superstore dyke. Thank you.

P.S. - I'm also PISSED that image.shack deems anything labled LESBIAN as "sexually explisit" and yet I can still do a search for "Hot Leather Girls"

SHE's not Lesbian (or leather) Is she hot? She looks confused. But yet again, SHE IS NOT LESBIAN - So it's OK I guess.

fuck you too image.shack!

RIP It.

2009-04-25T20:39:00.003-05:00

Goodbye golden girl.

Bea Arthur passed on Saturday.

I have nothing to blog about. Nada - nothing... not a sausage. I tried to do some productive things today. I had lunch with my mom and unfortunately spent the rest of our visit running to restrooms. I'm feeling better now but no more spicy food for me.

Sometimes it's nice to have a quiet day. Tomorrow I'm gonna do some laundry and bum around the house. Thank goodness it's almost summer. I can't wait to bum around outside.

I have a new crush - did I post this video before? It's Clara Engle...

Have a great weekend.

The Shadows (know)

2009-04-25T01:25:00.001-05:00

Apache by The Shadows.

Seems like a good late night song. Will blog later (like, in the morning)

I can't go to bed

2009-04-19T23:14:00.002-05:00

With that last post's bad taste in my mouth. So, How about a little Kylie Minogue?

Asshole of The Week

2009-04-19T22:42:00.003-05:00

Some random girls from flickr have something to say...

Fox news! Assholes of the week! (Yes, and I doubt this will be the last time.)

Watch

The Anchors discuss bombing Canada, how un-healthy beaver tails are and "Plan Orange" (the secret plan to bomb Canada).

FUCK YOU FOX NEWS!

Tee A. Corinne

2009-04-19T13:15:00.007-05:00

I was reading an essay by Tee A. Corinne, Erotic Photographer, author of The Cunt Coloring Book (which, oddly enough is available at Amazon dot com. Go figure.)

I honestly am not worthy of trying to compose a biography so you should go here -link- if you would like to learn more about her amazing life and work.

The Essay was entitled: Picturing Cancer In Our Lives and spoke of her 16 year relationship with Beverly Ann Brown. I really enjoyed it. It was poignant and intimate and suddenly I want to go back to school. I want to take my clothes off... I want to journal better.

Have you ever read something that just suddenly turns your brain on? I knew nothing about Tee Corinne before I read this essay but in a few short paragraphs I felt set on fire and inspired.

She passed in 2006.

The Weakerthans

2009-04-19T10:17:00.006-05:00

I went to see one of my favorite bands last night - The Weakerthans. I was excited, it's the first time I've seen them in concert - and they played every song I wanted to hear. Plea From A Cat Named Virtue, Left and Leaving, My Favorite Chords and more... it was a perfect night.

Here's Left and Leaving.

And for you cat lovers:
Plea From A Cat Named Virtue

Bird Eats Baby - The Trouble

2009-04-17T21:43:00.001-05:00

Birdeatsbaby - The Trouble from Philippa Bloomfield on Vimeo.

A version of yourself

2009-04-17T19:28:00.006-05:00

In the last year I've discovered and accepted many aspects of myself in a variety of places. Things I've read, movies and media I've seen. Some things I've found enlightening, such as the idea that enjoying blow jobs is not just for guys. I suppose I didn't NEED that affirmation or permission given to me, but it felt nice to hear someone else say it first.

I WANT TO TOUCH YOU.

It can be so easy to feel like an anomaly when you just can't seem to find anyone or anything you identify with because of where you live or how you live. How you allow yourself to live (or not live). My good friend called me from Guatemala today, I miss him very much. He is one of those friends that can make anywhere feel like home. Where ever you are.

LOOK AT ME, YOU KNOW HOW I LIKE TO LOOK AT YOU.

Never in my life has it been truer that "Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name, and they're always glad you came." At different times in my life that's been different places. VERY different places. Like church. I don't go to any specific church anymore because where I was became so polar opposite to the person I felt I really was or was becoming. I miss that strange kind of connection to people, feeling like you're united. At church, it didn't last long, but it was similar to my entrance into queer community. I immediately felt at home, of "a like mind" ~ I am a cliche 9 times out of 10.

GET ON YOUR KNEES FOR SOMETHING...

I still believe in human spirit. At the risk of sounding trendy - I believe in spirituality. I think it's healthy to believe in something. I believe that people can be good at heart, or strive for what is good. (please use personal dogma here) Acceptance is something we all seek and long for in a variety of ways. Nobody deserves to be hurt, life is precious, children are gifts, rainbows are beautiful and hell hath no furry as a woman scorn...

Truly, no furry.

Right now I'm trying to see myself and my "place" in a much larger sphere.

And it IS large! Just when I think I know where I might fit in I change. I evolve.

This is a good thing. Change is good. Learning to accept change can be hard. This morning I considered a vegan lifestyle and this afternoon I had a steak. I've thought about change, identity and choice my entire life. Sometimes I've actually even exercised my options.

Every time I start thinking along these lines it reminds me of that time in high school where I invited three different friend "spheres" out for coffee. It went terrible. I've always been the kind of person that had vastly different groups of friends. None of them mixable. They just don't. Somehow though - I manage to fit into them. Now I'm wondering if it's because I modulate myself.

Stand By Me

2009-04-17T12:59:00.002-05:00

Playing For Change | Song Around The World "Stand By Me" from Concord Music Group on Vimeo.

You should hear Tracy Chapman's Revolution performed by PFC artist Afro Fiesta. Just amazing.

A Shit List

2009-04-15T22:37:00.004-05:00

I have a long list of shit I need to do.

For the life of me I just can't seem to find the urge to get on it. It's spring, it was a beautiful day today and for work I went to the park. Yes, that was part of my job today... sitting in the park.

I mean - what kind of a person am I?

I suddenly realized that if I had in fact had the day off I probably wouldn't have been within 100 miles of the park. But I love the park! So why do I choose the interior of my hot, boring appartment over a park bench?

I have tickets to go to a concert this weekend. I'm quasi excited about that. I love live music.

I need to do my resume. Jesus - there are 10 people who ask me daily if I've done that yet. How much does Apple pay/hour? Is it a living wage? Is it worth my time? (See above - I spent this afternoon in a park for approx. $15.00/hr)

One extremely large illustration job yet to be finished. (which reminds me I need to do a coloring page... for which I have an idea but am not sure how I will complete - involving a scantily clad maiden on bed, mirrored reflection and some hot leather pants ~stay tuned~)

I need to get back to the gym sometime this week.

I need to go shopping for food. I have no food. I've been baking bits of cookie dough out of the tube when I've gotten peckish and it's just not cutting it anymore. I need to buy REAL food. Frozen dinners or something.

Take out the trash, sort the recycling, do a load of laundry.

Complete some video editing (no, not another cartoon, something else.)

I just want to go to the park.

Want to go to the park?

Last Lesbians On Earth - Ep. 4

2009-04-13T11:36:00.001-05:00

Last Lesbians On Earth - Ep. 3

2009-04-12T15:01:00.004-05:00

Last Lesbians On Earth - Ep. 2

2009-04-12T12:48:00.007-05:00

Last Lesbians On Earth - Ep. 1

2009-04-12T11:11:00.002-05:00

Boobies!

2009-04-10T10:31:00.006-05:00

IF - you decide to shit where you eat, which is something I try extremely hard not to do. I advise you to sit directly across from your busty co-workers all night and stare directly at their tits. What? You couldn't help it? Because they were perfectly round, pert and offered up to you on a visual buffet? Why, they usually wear turtle necks! How could you turn away?

Jesus. Sweet Jesus.

I had a great night out last night. I haven't been out in a really long time. For example... I grabbed my beer when we were going outside (I was with smokers) which, was perfectly acceptable when/were I used to "go". Of course you could smoke INSIDE when I used to go out too. There were a lot of really hot women out and I was surprised that they weren't all nineteen.

We watched a borderline burlesque performance by an amateur but talented woman. My coworkers were horrified. It was out of their comfort zone, which I guess is understandable since we were in a karaoke club and not a burlesque club. But, what a nice surprise for me. As she was laying on her back, slowly spreading her legs eagle, head to the crowd I thought. "Life is good."

I wish I had pictures.

Now, off I go. Away for the Easter long weekend. No phones, no blogs, nothing but nice and quiet reflections. I'm going to bring a book.

You know, one of those things with paper in it with words.

Be well friends.

Asshole of The Week

2009-04-08T22:19:00.004-05:00

With a name like "Box Masters" they had so much potential...

Billy Bob Thorton on Qtv - CBC

His band mates look terrified. I don't even care what he sings, that just turned me right off. An ass hat only a mother of octuplets could love. Tom Petty is a musical GOD - You are bat shit crazy.

Way to go Jian Ghomeshi.

P.S. Poor Lisa Cone.
P.S.S. Billy Bob, go home. Send Amanda Palmer up in your place. YOU SUCK.

Movies

2009-04-04T10:59:00.003-05:00

I've been watching as many cult/popular/recommended lesbian movies as I can.

It's been hard work educating myself on lesbian cinema and unlike most of my self appointed projects this one has no time frame.

So far I've watched:
In no particular order
Bound (obviously)
She likes Girls
Imagine Me and You
When Night Is Falling
Better Than Chocolate
Loving Annaelle
Desert Hearts
Tank Girl (k... that wasn't lesbian but I REALLY like Lori Petty)
Prey for Rock and Roll (Lori Petty again)
Tipping The Velvet
High Art (so sad, so pretty)
But I'm a Cheerleader (cute, campy)
Go Fish
Incredibly True Adventures of Two Girls in Love
Kissing Jessica Stein
D.E.B.S. (bought that at the grocery store lol)
Lost and Delirious (so sad)
If These Walls Could Talk

I'm kicking myself - I stumbled on an awesome Lesbian movie site that listed tons of movies and looked very current, complete and up to date WITH reviews... and I lost it.

There are a few movies I still want to see... but I like knowing a bit about them, if their worth my time and what other people thought.

I wonder if Winnipeg has a lesbian film lending library.

Recommendations? Reviews?

Who hasn't hugged a Queen?

2009-04-03T18:04:00.005-05:00

I'm poking fun at all the news stations making a big whoopla about Michelle Obama Hugging the Queen. Who wouldn't want to hug her (and pinch her cheeks)??

Today was a long day at work but I got to go swimming. So - killed two birds with one stone, meaning I got paid to exercise. That always feels good. Right now I'm canceling out all that exercise goodness with my second beer. No I'm not drinking alone! Your here aren't you?!

When I was growing up - my mother told me it was always a bad sign if someone often drank alone. Drank often alone, often drank alone... alone they drank.

I guess so. If you did it all the time. (I don't) I couldn't afford that.

Sometimes I like to have one or two after work but every time I do, my mother's little voice peeps in and I think... am I? Was she talking about ME?

I became a little concerned that perhaps I'm a loner all around today after talking to the phone company. They wanted me to pick my top five.

I had trouble thinking of five people I wanted to talk to on a regular basis for free.

Is that strange? *sipping beer*

When I was a kid I hated talking on the phone. All the girls I knew constantly talked on the phone. Talking talking talking. I'm getting a headache thinking about it. I didn't like how my ear would get hot and sweaty. We had a party line (does anyone know what that is/was anymore?) I didn't always have something to say and listening for more than fifteen minutes at a time was monotonous.

I like texting. Hell, my mother text's me all the time. I hardly TALK talk to anyone unless I'm face to face with them.

Do you ever feel all this technology that helps us connect to each other makes you want to disconnect?

I need to go twitter.
Doesn't that sound dirty?
Potty mouth...

«Edit»
Man that sounded insensitive. It's not that I don't like LISTENING. I just don't like talking on the phone. I prefer looking at people. Being in the same room - otherwise it's hard to concentrate on what they're saying...

Art and all that Jazz

2009-04-02T20:49:00.003-05:00

I decided - while eating pizza and drinking beer in my underwear - that I should have a way to separate out the coloring pages and other such things. I created another blog - to which you will notice a link at the top.

It's called Illustrocity.

I have no clue what that means but I tried 12 different names I did like and that's what I finally landed on that was available.

I'm working hard so I may only come up for air momentarily from time to time. I need to raise some funds quick. That being said - I'm available for freelance illustration work. Check the contact above if you would like to wheel and deal with the Rocket. I'm very affordable. (attractive AND available)
;P
~R

Here's to Friends

2009-03-31T20:03:00.011-05:00

Queer Eye Candy had a really nice picture of best friends today. It made me think of two things. My best friend - and a quote her father gave to her mother shortly after they were married that now hangs in my friend's home. It's embroidered onto a cloth that was framed. Paraphrased (shortened) from an original quote from Dinah Craik's book – A Life for a Life (1859).

"The blessing it is to have a friend to whom one can speak fearlessly on any subject; with whom one's deepest as well as one's most foolish thoughts come out simply and safely. Oh, the comfort — the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person — having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away."

I'm really grateful for my few but fierce close friends. I think anyone who's gone through the process of coming out can relate to how important it is to have people you trust and who love you to help see you through that kind of process. I remember how hard it was for me to tell my best friend. My immediate fears were that it would change things forever between us. But, true to the quote - I poured everything out - and we survived.

My main fear was that this person - who was more like a sister to me than a friend, would see me differently. I was fearful that she might think it would change the ground our friendship was built on. As a younger woman, I had mainly female friends. From time to time that lead to attractions that inevitably ended in a broken heart or unrequited angst. Because of this, in my adult life - I've kept myself aloof from most women as I was either attracted to them and unwilling to pursue that, or I was afraid that establishing a friendship might lead to attraction and again - I was unwilling to pursue that. Through a series of strange occurrences I can only describe as fate - I met my best friend in my twenties.

It's taken a lot of thought and talking about it to feel comfortable with the idea of having women as close friends. Even to this day I've only allowed one person to really know me outside of my immediate family. When a person conducts their life in this kind of "arms length" manner, having friends to whom you can pour out your "chaff and grain" is very important. I don't know how well I'd have managed without having complete acceptance from that friend.

I came out to her early one day, it was springtime and the conversation was spontaneous and the memory of it is somewhat surrealistic. I had been starting to come out online to strangers in forums and websites where others were expressing similar feelings and experiences. I felt comfortable talking online and there was no fear of judgment among these new "friends". I decided I needed to talk to a real live breathing person about what I was feeling and I was terrified. I knew it had to be her, my closest friend. I called her on the phone later that night because I felt so unresolved about what we'd each said and how we had parted ways. We both admitted to crying part of the day in our respective sanctuaries. I hadn't meant to, but I was so distraught that she was so emotional, and not understanding why she was emotional that I blurted out "Please don't hate me, I don't think I could go on living if you hated me..." and she immediately replied; "You're part of my family... what would I do without you?" after that, I knew no matter what the world, God or the future held for me - I had a friend and that everything would be O.K.

We've been friends for nearly 15 years now, recently her and her husband bought a new home and they'll be moving an hour away to another town. It's the first time in nearly 15 years that we haven't lived within 15 minutes of each other. Once the realization that this was really happening set in we cried. I reminded her that just because we wouldn't be living in the same town anymore that we wouldn't be any less of friends. We would still talk on the phone every day. I'd still come over and steal her clothes every other weekend and eat their food and yes; I would still watch their kids when they wanted to escape for a while.

It's not quantity of friends but quality. I have been blessed with the highest, quality of friends in my life. I'm so very grateful for that.

I hope that if you find yourself surrounded by love, acceptance and family whether given or chosen - where ever you are.

You might think I'm crazy

2009-03-25T22:01:00.005-05:00

But I'm in love with you. ~ The Cars

I've got music in my head - and all over the blog (just in case you haven't noticed.)

Something that makes my girl go round... I meant to type world but I'm tired and that was funny. Funny like insane... I've felt the insomnia coming on like spring or restless legs. And if you've never experienced either well... I'm sad for you if it's spring, wishing you a medical dart if it's restless legs.

Music is something that helps me relax and really work through life.

For a time (and if you haven't been - head over to VelvetPark for an awesome Indigo Girls Tribute Video... umm, as I was saying?) before I even acknowledged, because you can't say you never knew - like that strange feeling you had in highschool after being spooned by a close girl "friend" was just a muscle spasm? We all knew. The Indigo Girls - although not my generation, not my music and not my anthem at the time - connected to parts of me in my twenties that just knew. I could argue I just knew it was great music, but it was more than that. How could one song completely wrap up my feelings about sex, religion and who the fuck am I anyway? so perfectly unless they knew what they were talking about! *Closer to Fine

Sometimes I find music here and there in my travels and I incorporate it into my life, my day - my blog, my car tape. I don't think I could live in a world without music. I used to think that it would be worse to live in a world without sight. I've had some eye problems in my life and currently I've had to move to books on tape because reading for more than 15-20 minutes at a time leaves my eyes feeling blurry and tired. I have to take breaks. It's been hard. I've always thought of myself as a visual person. What would I be if I couldn't express myself through the way I see the world? Through drawings, pictures and art.

But now I think a world without music would really dent me emotionally. I love mellow sad music but it never makes me sad.

So, here are some of the songs that are spinning me round right now - add to the list, I really love trying new music. I put them in a playlist player for you lazy lot.

• Electric Bird - Sia
• Candy - Morphine
• Polite Dance Song - The Bird and The Bee (thanks TwistedE)
• Your The Only One - Maria Mena
• Legacy - Jill Barber
• Left and Leaving - Sarah Harmer's cover of The Weakerthans
• Nightminds - Missy Higgins

Lesbo - save the world, buy a Sham-Wow

2009-03-24T22:59:00.007-05:00

Tonight I was unproductive. I lit a bunch of candles and laid across the hide-a-bed in the living room waiting for the power to go out. It's been flickering all day. Rain, became hail, became snow... soon to become flood water. There are big troubles headed North to the motherland from North Dakota. I hope everyone is safe and warm in their beds behind their dykes... and I mean that in every sense of the word.

After making a Shepard's Pie and eating most of it while watching the Biggest Looser - I thought

"We are resourceful folk.
How, HOW could we save the world from flood?"

My Train of thought actually started with those floor duster baby outfits - like this one. Those of you who are parents are probably a. laughing or b. think that there is probably a good reason I'm not a parent.

(Little of column a. little of column b.)

He looks like a little mutant lion cub. It's cute. I'd totally buy one. Have a baby - I'll bring it to the shower - we can test drive it right there!

BUT - back to how to save the world from flood.

Suddenly the Sham Wow commercial popped into my head. Have you seen it?! Like Vince said, "...you'll be saying WOW every time you use it! It holds TWENTY TIMES IT'S WEIGHT in liquid!" and it's made by Germans!

It's like the ant of the shammy world!

Then, after we soak up all the flood waters... we can mail it somewhere where they are suffering from drought! We could sprinkle a bunch of Chia-pet seeds on it and end starvation while we're at it!

Man, and I only drank HALF a pot of coffee today.

Better shut the computer off before it does it itself.

Watch the commercial below... if you dare. (it's actually a bit annoying but if you imagine all the good that could come of using it to save the Red River Valley, it's not so bad.)

Fun Saturday - Coloring Page

2009-03-21T10:35:00.002-05:00

Again - Older One, but one of my favorites.
Have a great Saturday.

Wishful Thinking

2009-03-18T21:43:00.003-05:00

A.K.A.

Fake lesbian couples.
I have made no effort to hide the fact that I've had a crush on Julie Andrews most of my life. I could recite Victor Victoria verbatim - You know, that movie about a woman, pretending to be a man, pretending to be a woman? I will also admit that there have been points in Carol Burnett's hair history where I was seriously attracted to her as well.

I was watching Carol's Biography tonight (because that's what I do when I have tons of dishes and a painting to finish) and I was reminded what great friends these two women are. So I did some googlein' and found this article from a year ago from www.defamer.com

Quote: "Julie said ‘I know what - let’s be kissing.” I said, ‘I like you a whole lot, Julie, but I don’t know.’ She talked me into it, and went into a mad embrace the minute the elevator doors started to open."

It just made me happy inside. Even if it's just a funny story and isn't true. A girl can dream.

Don't they make a great couple?

Hey, and I just want you to know - I'm glad we had this time together.

I've been gone for a week

2009-03-18T16:51:00.005-05:00

I've been drunk since I left.

Ahh, Spirit of The West.

O.K.

I haven't been drunk for a month (or a week) but I have been busy. So much to think about, so much junk mail to sift thru, so many puddles to cross... and then there was work.

I recently got another pamphlet in the mail today from my local "Member of Parliament" representative and I'm so TIRED of getting this propaganda mail. It seriously is. If this is what my government is doing to stimulate the economy. (and by doing I mean, making up fliers and paying people a non-living wage to deliver them) then God help us all.

Trees are dying, the environment is tanking, businesses are going tits up, jobs are disappearing, and Ikea is coming to town. Oh, wait, that's a good thing.

There are so many things going on in the world to worry about I don't know what to pick next. LGBTQ issues? Unwanted children from Canada? (Seriously - if everyone is getting their babies from Russia and China - WHO is adopting the babies here??)

Today a co-worker was relaying an experience about how he got a phone call from his daughter's boyfriend's mother. But he was confused. Because the next day - he got a phone call from her boyfriend's OTHER mother. And my response to this? What part is confusing? He's got two mothers. "But they can't BOTH be his mother!" and I said "Why not? Where do you think you live??" I really shouldn't care too much as the next conversation he initiated involved mourning over the $2000 phone bill his 14 year old daughter had racked up.

THAT - shocked me.

I don't have kids, and I probably wouldn't win mother of the year awards... but that is just ridiculous. That kid would be sewn into the closest fast food restaurant uniform I could find and would never see the light of day again till that was paid off. Besides, doesn't he know it will give her a brain tumor?

Well, I gotta bunch of illustration work to worry over now.

Hows your Gaydar?

2009-03-14T12:39:00.003-05:00

There is a billboard I pass by nearly everyday that confuses me to no end.

I'm totally thinking - "Man, she's cute..."

But then I think - Is SHE?

I certainly don't know...

My immediate assumption was:

A. that's a girl
B. she's cute

Thoughts?

I'm Twitterpated...

2009-03-13T22:14:00.003-05:00

Or - at least, in order to follow Twitterers... you gotta be one. So, I sold out and did it.

After I did, I watched this video from Rocketboom - Daily Internet Culture and truly, deeply, madly LOL'ed out loud.

Fun Friday - Coloring Page

2009-03-13T19:10:00.008-05:00

It's late in the day - but I managed to make a coloring page. As usuall - Click it to view a larger image - grab it, print and color!

I Started watching Prey for Rock & Roll, excited because Lori Petty was in it... only to find out she DIES... wtf? *cry* I then decided to go check out Lori's art page only to find it in disarray and the last blog post was from April of 2008. I think I might just go do some coloring myself...

Have a great Night.

Wednesday Crazy Train (of thought)

2009-03-11T20:10:00.009-05:00

It all started at lunch - with the Red Hot Chilly Peppers blasting on the FM Radio - it was Californication.

"First born unicorn

Hard core soft porn

Dream of Californication

Dream of Californication"

Then my thoughts drifted back to being in High School. I joined a group that went into the city once a month to take in a play at the Manitoba Theater Center. I suddenly remembered a play about Noah's Arc and the part that flashed in my head was the part that depicted a woman being held down by a group of people (dressed as animals) who was then raped by a Unicorn. Just as he charged towards her, horn down - she, spread eagle on a table with animals pinning her by her limbs - the lights went out and we heard a blood curdling scream. When we left the play - none of us knew what to think. I don't think anyone spoke on the way home. What could the average fifteen year old relate that to?

I then started to think about an art instillation that was big and controversial in Winnipeg more than a decade ago. I wish I could remember the artist's name and what it was called but it consisted of a bunch of mutilated and decomposing rabbit bodies set outside. Which then lead to thoughts of myself being six years old and in the pickup with dad. We saw a jack rabbit in the field and I got really excited. I asked my father to "Shoot the rabbit! Shoot the rabbit!!" I'm not sure what I thought would happen, but after unsuccessfully trying to talk me down my dad conceded and took out the shoot gun. The rabbit, who looked so small exploded into a puff of white and red. I cried and made him swear, SWEAR he'd never shoot another rabbit. He promised and to my knowledge never shot another since.

I then went back to the decomposing rabbits. Sharon Stone for a minute - then the ones in the field.

Sometimes, I don't think art like this is always about shocking the viewer. I wonder, what do people think of most when they see things like that play - or the decomposing rabbit instillation.

I thought, desperation.

Desperation to capture a person's attention and connect in an extremely emotional way.

I don't want to justify cruelty, or shock for the sake of shock - I'm not trying to convince anyone of anything. This was just my train of thought today. What is the state of mind of the person creating? I personally don't think one can totally disconnect one's self from the creation of an expression.

I never went to see the rabbit instillation. I connected it to the death of that rabbit I orchestrated so many years ago, so my immediate reaction was to repel from it. Like I did from that experience. Interpreting art/communication in any medium is personal and subjective to be sure.

For instance - I once heard of an artist who hung himself upside down from a tree, dipped his head in paint and swung over a canvas to create his paintings. I thought that was funny - and the idea of how he was creating it made me interested in the end result.

I HATE - like, irrational, rabid HATE, paintings where someone has just thrown paint at a canvas. I can't explain why, it just makes me violent.

Then there are artists like Salvador Dali - who reportedly threw himself down flights of stairs in order to gain inspiration for his paintings. This frightened me a little.

Do we need to come from a place of suffering and sacrifice in order to create great art?
Do I need to start jumping off the sofa into coffee tables in order to gain validity and noteriety? Or is it just notoriety...

My train then moved on - to Comedians.

I've read a few biographies and I thought it was interesting how many comedians shared some similar personality traits like trouble socializing, being introverted and eccentric, belittling or self deprecation of themselves in order to make other people laugh.

Using humor to shift attention from the fact that they were or are extremely insecure. Class clowns...

Then, lunch was over.

I never really liked unicorns...

I don't think I've told any friends face to face about how much I like to drive my car either...

Orgasms and the Happy Ending

2009-03-10T16:25:00.008-05:00

I don't want to talk about The L Word.

Lots of people have said things I've thought and felt and I don't mind leaving it like that, but... last night it punked my funk time.

An now, for something completely and overly personal... My opinion.
I strongly believe, if you own a car - you should drive it. You should bag that motherfucker, you should take it out for dinner, spill wine on it, make lame advances and get into it's pants. If I haven't been clear as mud - I'm talking about MASTURBATION. Yes, I'm talking about that age old art form of self pleasuring, getting off, tickling the pink lady, grinding the g, monosexing... or whatever you want to call it.

You want a prescription? Have an orgasm! One a day keeps the doctor away and you'll be happier for it. Having a rich fantasy life and enjoying your own body is a fantastic freedom many people just don't take advantage of. Want to be the best lover you can be? Play with yourself. This is especially important between encounters/relationships/arrangements and so on and so forth.

Last night, at my routine appointment I suddenly found myself thinking about that damn show and the exclusive "Interrogation Tapes" and it killed my sexy hard drive. I kept thinking about how not one, not a fucking one of those characters managed to be successful in any of their romantic relationships. The Tibetters must have been bashing their own brains out with Tina's disclosure that she'd been molested/in a relationship (in something that she was clearly ashamed to admit) and had hidden it completely from her partner. Had lied. Had made up a fiction about their relationship and lied about something that is life altering and emotionally damaging. She managed to declare it to not one, but three people. (Jenny, and the two officers) It really made me think about everything - the dynamics of their relationship, sex and everything in between. I was mad, I was confused and I was bewildered by this.

I left my thoughts about the characters in that show and started thinking about the real women I know. Women who have had real sexual trauma in their lives. I counted how many women (that I knew of) that had been sexually molested, pressured into having sex - or any other kind of sexual trauma including rape.

The list was long.

My first thoughts about that disclosure during the tape was - WHY - why would they put that on a character? Especially with no sign of resolution. No guarantee of a happy ending.

That's what everyone in the world wants - a happy ending. We want hope. We want to hope that our relationships are solid, that our friends are true, that our families are safe, that we did the best we could, that love will prevail, that all wounds can heal, that forgiveness is possible, that justice will prevail, that what we perceive as plausible reality is in fact just that. I'm not talking about teevee shows now. I'm talking about the happy ending. Our happy endings. Family of man, people of the world - US.

I don't care if your Christian, Buddhist, Pagan, Agnostic or Celebrity Worshipers... We all need hope. We all need love.

So, I masturbate. I keep the home fires burning in the hopes that someone will come along someday and blow smoke signals up my ass. I do it because I love myself, in every definition of the word and I do it because I believe in happy endings.

I hope you end things happily with an orgasm today.

Two things to smile about in this world - happy endings, and orgasms. (Oh, and Hope and Love too)

While You Were Sleeping.

2009-03-09T18:54:00.003-05:00

I'm a sleepwalker.

A sleep runner actually.

I bolt from my bed at mach-speed (usually into walls or furniture). I don't know why I do this, I've done so all my life. Sometimes if I'm stressed, it's worse. Sometimes when I'm overtired I yell out - loud enough to wake myself. I may also snore, but as I live and sleep alone - I can't be 100% sure.

This past week I've been wandering far and wide and have woken up yelling twice.

This morning I realized I'd:
1. Turned my computer off.
2. Taken some receipts from my receipt folio (in another room) and moved them to my bag.
(Some might call it a purse. I do not.)
3. Turned a chair around to face the wall in the living room.

That's just what I've noticed.

Once a few years ago I got into a fight with Uma Thurman. She was peering out from the Pulp Fiction Poster on my wall giving me the stink eye. I said "Don't you fucking look at me!"
I actually hissed it more than said it. Hissing it loud enough to wake myself up, lucky for Uma.

I usually feel sheepish and silly when I wake up. For a few years now I actually resorted to sleeping with a light on because it seems to wake me before I get too far, but this morning really bothered me. Despite the light I didn't seem to be able to stop it.

Once in a while can't be that big of a deal right? But nightly? I need a rubber hammer.

If I were to wake up and find that all my dishes had been done, laundry folded, freelance work completed, garbage taken out and goodwill donations boxed up - I'd have no worries. But this is seriously starting to unnerve me. I'm starting to think maybe people who claim to be sleepwalking when they've killed someone might actually be telling the truth. I don't personally think I could kill someone - but you should have seen the way Uma was looking at me. I felt like my heart was about to implode and it was her or me!

I totally could have taken her.

When I was on holidays in Mexico with family I flipped a King Size mattress because I was dreaming there were bugs in the bed. Imagine my disappointment when I awoke, adrenaline pumping, only to realize I had to somehow push the mattress back onto the bed. The next morning I had my father help me turn it around the right way. I'd put it back on sideways - I'd only un-tucked the side I'd been sleeping on and it was... well, not going in the right direction.

I have a question - which, is pertinent. I recently decided it was time to start dating.

How frightening would this information be to a potential date? Do I slip it in on a third date? "Hey hon, do you mind if we leave the light on ALL NIGHT?"

Or, should I pretend I don't know anything about it and wait till she brings it up?

Git Gob

2009-03-08T10:36:00.002-05:00

One-minute animated film by Phillip Eddols.

"In this animated short, two creatures wonder, “What is a hole?” They have different points of view. Their debate leads to an idea, an idea that changes the world."

Picture this

2009-03-07T18:45:00.005-06:00

One of my favorite places to go when I'm feeling a personal funk coming on is Queer Eye Candy. Their tag line is "This is what we look like." If you haven't been you really ought to go. Being someone that doesn't get much opportunity to mingle with "dyke culture" and community (other than the internet) I'm always on the look out for ways to expand my circles, my ideas, my way of seeing the world and myself and how we all fit into it.

Yesterday they featured the work of Sophia Wallace on the front page. I just love her pictures, they're the kind of pictures that make me want to pick up a paint brush and make a mark and fill a measure of myself. For those bleak days when the mountain of dishes just seems too high and prevalent thoughts of "what am I doing here?" push me into a chair with heavy heart - Seeing pictures like the ones Sophia has taken makes me feel the world is a big place, full of potential.

I've been noticing pictures lately - specifically avatar/profile pictures. I can't tell you how sad and tired I am of seeing girls looking angry (or maybe they're failing at trying to look alluring). Has smiling gone out of style again? For fuck sake friends, please smile – Or try and find something to smile about...

You should check out Sophia's project - Boies & Dykes. That might put a smile on you. Or maybe this will.

Type Girls Kissing into the Flickr.com search section. :)

Big wet kiss to you,
R

Spring Ahead, Fall Back.

2009-03-06T20:10:00.003-06:00

I live in that blessed area where time change rules us all. And it's upon us again. Ready to eat us up and spit us out. It's spring - so, this means we're springing ahead an hour. I hate this part of daylight savings. Sure we're getting more light - great! - But I'm loosing an hour of sleep!

I was listening to the radio this morning and the announcer asked a question, which, I've been pondering most of the day.

"If you could loose any single hour of this year - which one would you rather get rid of?"

If you have to loose an hour, why not get rid of the worst one of the year? I was having trouble thinking which hour I'd like to give back. I suppose there could be the waiting. We all wait a fair bit over the year - for different things. People, buses, appointments, food, the end of the day, the end of the night, the sunrise, the sunset, the check in the mail, the beginning of the weekend... wait wait wait.

I'd like to give away an hour of waiting. I'd like to find myself ~ wherever ~ only to have 1 hour of waiting suddenly lifted from my life. 1 Hour from any of the times I've been at the hospital emergency. 1 hour off the end of any work day.

What hour would you give up?

**still under renovations**
R

Things are a changing.

2009-03-04T01:52:00.002-06:00

If you haven't realized I'm one of those people who can't leave well enough alone. Things will be changing around here - as much as I liked the previous layout - it was made by someone else.

But, its 1am and I'm tired.

Till tomorrow
Till tomorrow

Who am I hot for Today?

2009-03-02T23:25:00.008-06:00

Zoe Bell of course. (center right)

I've had a crush on Zoe Bell for, well, a long time. Zena Warrior Princess stunt double, New Zealand accent, kicks major ass, I mean - what more could you want?

Grindehouse - Death Proof was/is one of my favorite movies. I mean, it's pretty damn violent but I didn't really mind that because it was so over the top. Those chicks rock a lead pipe hard and I kinda like Kurt Russel in a non-sexual way. Rosario Dawson? Vanessa Ferlito?? (omg - the lap dance!?) The only time in my life I wished I was a dude... I could go on, there were many hawt women in that movie.

Anyone who can ride the hood of a car for 20 plus minutes - that's stamina, that's staying power, that's Zoe Bell.

So... she's dating dudes in this series (and probably in real life), I can handle it. I have a rich fantasy life.

She's staring in Ed Brubaker's new web Series called Angel of Death. It looks like there will be 10 episodes and they're putting them out once a month. IT was being hosted on Crackle but it's disappeared for some technical reason. Hopefully they'll get it back up and running because the first two episodes were great.

A Flock of Lesbian Porn Coloring Books

2009-03-01T11:11:00.008-06:00

This morning I woke up and stumbled into the washroom. I had to laugh. I looked like the frontman for A Flock of Seagulls. Which made my mind drift to the bed-head calendar idea I had. Which someone who was less lazy than me actually did and for which I will regret procrastinating on and talk about for years to come in sad sullen drunken moments of "I could have been famous". At least, that's what I thought I'd do till I looked at a few "365 days of bed head" blogs for half an hour this morning and was eternally grateful that I didn't waste my time on something that had already been done.

When I was in college I had an instructor who insisted HIS friend from college had actually been the one who had invented the pet rock. But, because he had procrastinated, someone else had a similar idea and marketed it first. I was doubtful until now. I've had many ideas and in fact at a young age thought I'd coined the phrase "Jeez Louise!" and when I heard it one day on the TeeV I couldn't fathom how it had traveled so far in the world without me accompanying it. Obviously now I realize I must have heard it somewhere and at times I have gone to worship at the church of There is NO Such Thing as Original Thought but I hold a little flame in my heart for the hope of it's existence.

I have several project ideas in mind right now and if I can figure out how to host/link shit I will continue with some I've started. Such as - the Erotic coloring book pages. Just a little something for those of you who'd rather sit with a box of crayons then do the cross word in the Saturday paper. Maybe you could use it as foreplay... or maybe you just like to color.

Here's an old one.

If you right-click and view image it'll give you a bigger version you can grab and print out.
I did a few more, but until I can figure a way to just have the links all in one place it might be on hold for a bit. But one day, ONE DAY! - Someone's going to read this, copy my idea and well, the rest is pet rock history.

I've been reading about porn lately. Lesbian porn actually. Being someone who is relatively new to the gay community I'm still formating opinions on a lot of issues. Things I've never thought about before because, well - I didn't have to or want to. Like Porn - Where does it all fit? How do I feel about it? I'm one of those women who has a lot of feelings. Coming out queer has just added to the list of issues and subjects I ponder over.

Goldstardyke over at The Lesbian Lifestyle brought up the subject of Lesbians and Porn and it had me pondering my own thoughts about porn - all types of porn. I'm kinda philosophical about porn. I think everything has it's place in our lives and porn has a little place reserved in my heart. I don't spend copious amounts of time partaking because life is about balance - and I have lots of things to balance in my life - work, family, art, video games, food... and porn just isn't at the top of my time sucks.

So, DO you like porn?
Let me break it down...
Lesbian Porn - like it, when it's well done.
Straight Porn - like it, when it's well done.
Gay (male) Porn - like it, when it's well done.
S&M Porn - like it, well, more fascinated by it then "like" it.

What does well done mean to you?
Thank you for asking! Well, I think that for anything pornographic to really succeed in my collection it would have to have an element of intimacy. Where you see some kind of connection between the people that wasn't just flesh. This is just my opinion, I'm not saying all women think like me - but I'm really a cerebral person and I like to have a story, a reason. Saying that, purpose and reason are different - I don't think sex is just for procreation (obviously, being gay that would be an exercise in futility) I think sex is a language unto itself. So, when I see porn that is communicating something emotional - it perks my interest more than unsophisticated bumping.

I had a conversation recently with a straight friend of mine. We were talking about relationship dynamics. It's always interesting how similar we think - especially considering our circumstances are very different.

She is a married, 2.5 kids, stay at home mom.

I am a single, no kids, queer identified, community integration worker.
(I made up a title - but that's basically what I do)

We have some mutual friends. Some of which at times are in relationship crisis and our most recent discussion revolved around - How can two people who are not talking to each other have sex? It boggled my mind. (cerebral I am) and she agreed. I mean, I know sex isn't always about sex, I know there are different reasons for having sex - hell, I'm the queen of self destructive sexcapades - but within a relationship? If I'm so mad at someone that I can't begin to talk to them about what's wrong... I can't tell them - "Yeah, right there... oooOOo... harder... left! left!!"

Could you?

I have to go brush my hair now.

Saturdays

2009-02-28T15:25:00.005-06:00

I love Saturdays.

You start with a day full of potential.

Today I have slept in, showered, drove cross town and am now at the will and whim of two kids under 4. I'm at a loss. They are in complete control. Right now I have a naked 2 year old who, with his plastic shovel and in his construction hat oddly resembles one of the village people running wild behind me and around my knees. The three year old is telling him he's bad and he's going to jail. I have no idea where the older kid gets some of his ideas. Earlier he told me he likes to touch his penis. I asked "Why?" just to see what he'd say. He said; "I don't know, I just do." fair enough.

This is a very foreign world to me. I'm a S.I.N.K. (Single Income, No Kids) and for the longest time I've assured myself that that is my calling. To be a free and otherwise selfish in most aspects of my life and eventually graduate to becoming a successful D.I.N.K. (Double Income, No Kids) I haven't felt guilty about it either. But in the past few years I've suddenly found myself trying to make deals and conducting complex negotiations to achieve goals that seriously never grazed my otherwise self absorbed sphere of existence.

"If you WANT to be naked, you need to tell me if you have to go to the potty, mkay?"
"No Potty!"
"So, you DON'T have to go?"
"No, No potty!"
"Okay."

Oddly enough - I'm kinda enjoying it.

Shit, I have to go, the construction worker just pissed on the floor.

And one more thing...

2009-02-28T01:31:00.002-06:00

Don't forget to have a good time.

Taking over the world one blog at a time.

2009-02-28T01:11:00.002-06:00

I've spent most of the evening jumping from video to video on youtube.

I think it's funny how you can have one degree of separation between a video like The Grape Lady and Homemade Porn gone bad. Sometimes that's exactly what my thought pattern is like. I've never been a linear thinker, which, if you believe what they say - makes perfect sense. (Although to be honest, I didn't understand a lot of what he said and disagree with his theory that I am an illogical thinker. Captain Kirk would agree. - So take that pointy ears.)

Being non linear can be an excellent adventure waiting to happen. You never know where you'll end up. AND you probably won't stress about it because it's your linear girlfriend who had the "To Do" list and is freaking because you miss-stepped and skipped item number 12. Us non-linears are thinking - "don't worry - we'll come back this way in a couple of days and pick that up on the way home." I think one can be tangent and non linear. After all it's where you end up, not how long it takes you to get there.

Where was I?

I've been everywhere (wo)man. In my travels, I began in some smarmy places that lead to humble abodes that, upon departure - ushered me on to heavenly habitations. I've met a lot of people. I met a lot of women actually. I like women. The internet is a great place to meet like minded people. (It's a horrible place to try and date them tho - but I'll save that for another day).

So, as my non linear way of getting to the point of this tangent ramble - welcome. Warm warm Welcome to The Pop Rocket. I am your Rocket - Christine. I will be your guide, annoyance, distraction, addiction, lesbian superlovalova, organ donor recipient, etcetera, etcetera.

I couldn't leave you without starting you on a journey. So here's the Grape Lady Video.
This video is funny in itself, classic really, but the part that kills me the most is the announcers. Like they actually cared?! As soon as they went to commercial break they busted out laughing you can guarantee it. That reminds me of this one time when I broke my arm...